Episode 5: Zazel-Chavah O'Garra
“I tell the dancers, there are no limits. If you have mobility issues, I say, just let it come from your heart and your soul.”
Zazel-Chavah O’Garra
Dancing Beyond Disability
“Creativity is an act of defiance," writes the dancer and choreographer Twyla Tharp. This captures the essence of dancer Zazel-Chavah O'Garra who has drawn on her loss of mobility to create powerful performances that shape new perspectives.
A New Yorker of Caribbean heritage, Zazel's early acclaim as a Presidential Scholar in the Arts paved her success as a dancer on and off Broadway, and on stages across Europe. She graced the cover of Essence magazine twice during her career as a professional model.
Severe fatigue started to slow her down, though, and in 2003, doctors discovered a benign brain tumor. She remained partially paralyzed after surgery. "I don't compete with my former self," she says. Instead, she decided to explore movement within her physical range.
In 2014, Zazel founded ZCO/DANCEPROJECT, an inclusive dance company that champions artists with disabilities. Her innovative approach has garnered recognition from The Kennedy Center's Very Special Arts Program, underlying her belief that we must expand the boundaries of creative expression.
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Transcript
(Edited slightly for clarity)
Melissa Ceria: Zazel O'Garra, welcome.
Zazel O'Garra: Hello. Hello. It's great to be here.
Melissa Ceria: Zazel, you started dancing when you were eight years old. Do you remember being interested in movement from a young age?
Zazel O'Garra: Yes, my mother said in her West Indian accent: "Zazel was dancing out of my belly!" So, I mean, I was always hyperactive and a little crazy as a child, running all over the yard, running down the block. And I love music. I love dancing because my father was also a jazz musician, so I always had music around me, so it was in my spirit from birth.
Melissa Ceria: Do you come from an artistic family?
Zazel O'Garra: As I mentioned, my dad was a jazz musician. He played with the Count Basie Orchestra. He played (in) the band also in World War II. He was in World War II. And so, I remember my godfather, godfather Bill was his name, he was also a jazz musician, and my father started me with music. I played the piano.
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Melissa Ceria [00:02:14] Was there a lot of music at home?
Zazel O'Garra [00:02:17] Yes, absolutely. I played everything from the reggae music, to calypso music, to jazz, R&B, funk, you name it. I, you know, listen to it. It was great.
Melissa Ceria [00:02:27] So you grew up very much between two cultures.
Zazel O'Garra [00:02:30] Yes.
Melissa Ceria [00:02:31] How did that influence your early years and the cultural values that were instilled in you?
Zazel O'Garra [00:02:36] Oh, well, my sister and I, we spent every single summer in Montserrat. As soon as the school finished on June 30th, we were on the plane off to Montserrat. And as soon as I arrived in Montserrat, I would take off my shoes because I loved walking barefoot. At that time, there was only 12,500 people on the island. And, you know, we used to play games and, you know, eat mangoes and coconuts and grapefruits and, you know, my aunt had a hotel, Wades Inn hotel in the town. So, you know, we'd hang out at the hotel, walk around the town. We just had a beautiful, beautiful upbringing. And, you know, it was such a different experience from, you know, being in New York City and then going into that beautiful, lovely, plush Caribbean island with the beautiful seawater and the sand that is black because of the volcano.
Melissa Ceria [00:03:29] It sounds like a very free, open environment. And yet you were trained, Zazel, in classical ballet, which is rigorous. What did it teach you?
Zazel O'Garra [00:03:41] Well, I was addicted, and I'll say that again, absolutely addicted to classical ballet. I remember going to the library and getting pictures of ballerinas like Tanaquil Le Clercq and Margot Fonteyn, and I would look at all these dancers and look at their beautiful long legs and their feet. I was so into arches. And I'll never forget when I was growing up and I was attending the High School of Performing Arts, the Bolshoi Ballet came to visit us and those dancers were absolutely amazing. My jaw dropped. I mean, I was like, I would love to be like one of those dancers. However, because of my body type, you know, I did have beautiful long legs, but I'm shapely, you know, I have hips and a butt, so that was just not a good look for ballet.
Melissa Ceria [00:04:32] How tall are you?
Zazel O'Garra [00:04:34] I'm 5 ft 7 and a half, 5 ft 8 . But I remember auditioning for the School of American Ballet, which I auditioned for, like two or thre times, and I would, like, knock it out. And I'm doing my pirouettes and everything they would tell us to do at the bar. And as soon as I finished, I would call up, or they would call me to say if I got accepted and they would tell me, "Um, you're too stocky, you're too stocky. "
Melissa Ceria [00:04:55] And how did that make you feel?
Zazel O'Garra [00:04:57] It made me feel horrible. I mean, because at that time, you know, you had to have a beautiful, slim, slim, slim body. I mean, you just could not have any fat on you and anything. So, you know, going to the High School of Performing Arts and just doing this rigorous ballet training with Alvin Ailey and Dance Theater of Harlem, we had to be what we call snatched. You know, we would wear that elastic band around our ways to show if we had that come go for the band and look at the hip bones in your chest. And so we wanted to be slim and beautiful, and the teachers wanted you to be slim and beautiful. It was very competitive. So as a result, you know, I didn't eat. And, you know, I come from a Caribbean family. We love food. You know, my mother would make rice and peas and plantains and dasheen. This great West Indian food. And I would be like, "Mommy, I can't eat that! I can't eat that!" You know, I'd be starving myself.
Melissa Ceria [00:05:53] That sounds like it was stressful.
Zazel O'Garra [00:05:55] Well, it was very stressful.
Melissa Ceria [00:05:56] But were you able to move on from that stage?
Zazel O'Garra [00:05:59] Yes. What they instill in you in Performing Arts is being competitive. I mean, you wanted to compete to be in the front line. You want to compete to be having a good part in a piece that they were doing. You wanted to be included. That was the nature of the school. And also, you know, training at various other dancing schools, you wanted to be at the top. So you wanted to look good, be a part of it, be snatch, look good, be a diva! So that was it. That's what they instilled in us.
Melissa Ceria [00:06:28] Your talent was recognized early on, though. As you mentioned, you earned a spot at the prestigious New York City Performing Arts School. And then you went on to study dance at the University of Michigan. What were your thoughts at that stage about living a creative life? Did you wrestle with it at any point or did it feel very intuitive?
Zazel O'Garra [00:06:47] Well, being at the University of Michigan really opened my eyes because it was an academic university. People were majoring in engineering, computer science, medicine. And, here I was in the School of Music, the Department of Dance, which was very small. It was an intimate community, but very small. But when I told the professors, I remember telling my English professor, Oh, I'm majoring in dance. She was like, Wow, that's interesting that's... It's almost like, brave of you to be majoring in the arts as a dancer at that particular school, at that time. I never thought about being anything else. I mean, I just was addicted to dance.
Melissa Ceria [00:07:26] What was it about dance that was so compelling to you?
Zazel O'Garra [00:07:30] I love lighting up the stage. That was my thing, you know, I loved putting out that energy. I love the audience's reaction, and I love interacting with the audience. I love looking good and feeling good and, you know, just challenging myself. I love learning new ways and new methods of dancing. That's what kept me going.
Melissa Ceria [00:07:51] You achieve professional success as a dancer and a model. Your work takes you to Germany where you teach dance for several years. I'm curious, what did you learn as an artist from your experience working in Europe?
Zazel O'Garra [00:08:05] First of all, living in Germany, that was another eye opening experience. I mean, I taught at a school called New York City Dance School in Stuttgart, West Germany. And there were a lot of teachers also from the US. And once again, I was in a very competitive environment. You know, some of the teachers have huge, huge classes, and I was one of the few female minority teachers teaching jazz, and modern, and African dance. And it was hard to, at first, get my own following. But I remained really focused. And everyone loved my attitude and loved my personality. So my classes started to grow and I started to get a following. And it was, it was a really great experience just to see the students lighting up the floor. And I would give them, you know, corrections with their bodies and tell them how to move to the music. And although I didn't speak German at the time, but I learned how to count in German and give corrections in German, even though German, the language, it's very difficult. I tried my best to, you know, interact with the students.
Melissa Ceria [00:09:11] What do you think they learned from you?
Zazel O'Garra [00:09:14] They learned style. They learned how to be aggressive. They learned how to interact with one another, how to perform. So I would teach them various choreographies and then I would also teach them, this is the way you perform on stage. This is the way I perform on stage. You don't have to imitate me, or be like me, but put your own personality into it and just be yourself and have fun. Although I was strict, I was very approachable. And I would tell them, you know, just be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Today, you know, I always talk about self-care, but I was talking about that then, also.
Melissa Ceria [00:09:56] You're gaining a lot of success at this point in your career. You're on a rising trajectory, but by the early 2000s, your body begins to experience changes. Can you describe what you were feeling at that time?
Zazel O'Garra [00:10:10] The first thing I started to experience was extreme fatigue. Like I couldn't keep my eyes open. I could literally be walking down the street and sleeping at the same time. Then all of a sudden, I started getting this tingling sensation in my arm, and then my handwriting started to change. I couldn't sign my name. Lastly, I started to get like an electrical volt (that) was coming from my teeth into my stomach, into my head. And I'll never forget, I was at an audition and the casting director called me into the room and he says, "Slate your name, please." And the minute he said that, that explosion, that surge came from my feet into my chest, into my head, and I couldn't talk. I mean, my speech was gone, and he's looking at me, "Um, Zazel, slate your name." And I couldn't talk. I'm just looking at him and he's like, "Hey, are you okay?" And then within, like 2 or 3 minutes, the speech came back with the sweat pouring down my face. Of course, I didn't get the job. I didn't get the commercial. And I walked out of that casting agency like, what the hell is going on with my body? I didn't know what was going on.
Melissa Ceria [00:11:18] Were you afraid?
Zazel O'Garra [00:11:20] Well, yes, I was afraid, because it was just something I had never experienced before. So I started going to see doctors. You know, I went to my internist. I told him what was going on, and they did a battery of tests. It showed nothing. I think I went to see 5 or 6 doctors and, you know, each of them did blood work. Nothing showed up. And so I was just like, okay, this is all in my head. I'm just going through like a some kind of crisis. I thought it was in my mind.
Melissa Ceria [00:11:47] The doctors eventually identify a meningioma, which is a non-cancerous brain tumor. You undergo surgery to have it removed, but it leaves you with paralysis on your right side. How did you go about becoming reacquainted with your body in the ensuing months?
Zazel O'Garra [00:12:03] After my surgery, of course, I became partially paralyzed on my right side. The neurosurgeon told me that's what to expect. My speech was impaired because , you know, I had cognitive deficits and I had double vision as well. And immediately what I realized was like, you're not the same person. You know, you are different. You can't move. And I'll never forget when I was in occupational therapy, they asked me to lift the blocks. And this is something that babies do. And I couldn't lift the blocks and my fingers wouldn't move. And then one morning I woke up and my thumb started to move. Tears started streaming down my face. I started screaming, "My thumb is moving!" Just this unbelievable feeling. And then the following day, my pinky started to move, and then my wrist started to move a little bit. People take that for granted, but when you have that little bit of movement, it is overwhelming.
Melissa Ceria [00:13:05] For so many years, Zazel, you counted on your body to perform and to express yourself. Was being a dancer of help or did it hinder you in the early stages of your healing process?
Zazel O'Garra [00:13:17] Oh, it absolutely helped. I was at Kessler Rehab in New Jersey, and they immediately knew I was a little different because I would be in my wheelchair and I would take my good leg, my left leg, and I would raise it up, try to stretch it out. And then when I would go to physical therapy, I would say, "Stretch me out! Put my leg up on the bar, push, push!" I said: "I don't mind pain." And they were like, "Really? You want to do that?" So being a dancer really, really helped to go above and beyond what they thought that could happen. I mean, you have to go above and beyond. And I remember reading a book, "Turn (Your) Setbacks Into Comebacks", and that was me. That was my mantra. And that's when I live by.
Melissa Ceria [00:14:05] A while into your recovery, you were invited to dance at an event and you did so sitting in a chair. That moment marked a turning point for you. Why?
Zazel O'Garra [00:14:16] Oh my God, it was so beautiful. I'm sitting in the chair and the music starts and I have my head down. And when I lift my head up, I see the audience. And there was like 500 or 600 people, and I just lit up. I mean, it was just like this beautiful feeling just started emanating from me. And although I couldn't move my arm and lengthen it like I used to, I just moved it with joy and with freedom. It just really made me feel like I loved life. I loved being there. I loved what God had given me, like the strength to continue. And when finished I got a standing ovation and that's when I knew:This this is who I am. I'm a dancer and I love life.
Melissa Ceria [00:15:10] You have fully embraced your body's range into your work. Can you describe how you might begin your dance movements and the emotions they evoke?
Zazel O'Garra [00:15:20] Close your eyes. Put your hands on your thighs and just relax and just feel the air. And think positive thoughts. Just think of one word that you embrace, that makes you want to move and love life. And then I say, Take a deep breath in, and blow it out. And leave you head down. And rolling it back up. And then I say, Touch your stomach. And touch your mouth. And raise it up for joy. Ahh! And down. Yes, yes, yes.
Melissa Ceria [00:16:05] Well, I should certainly do that more often. Zazel, in your body, certain parts move a little bit more than others. How do you work with your body as you invite it to dance?
Zazel O'Garra [00:16:17] I mentioned to you before my right arm, although it's not paralyzed anymore, it still suffers from atrophy. So the arm does not move as freely as the left arm. So when I lift it up, it's still a little bent. I put my left arm underneath the right arm, and I lift it up, and down, and up, and down. Yes.
Melissa Ceria [00:16:43] So each side of your body is communicating with the other?
Zazel O'Garra [00:16:48] Yes. Because my foot is still paralyzed, I could slide the foot, I use the cane when I'm on the stage sometimes. I use the cane and use my upper body to move and slide the foot. It's rhythmic. Yes.
Melissa Ceria [00:17:05] That's wonderful. Today Zazel, you are recognized as an advocate for people with disabilities. Your dance company, ZCO/DANCEPROJECT includes performers of all abilities. How do you invite people with different abilities to collaborate and co-create?
Zazel O'Garra [00:17:23] Well, I have persons with mixed abilities, persons who have physical and mental disabilities. And I asked some of my friends who I've worked with, or dancers who I know, to come and teach us all different genres of dance. And they don't view us as persons with disabilities. They view as, as persons who want to dance. So my dance is a challenge and they welcome all different styles of dance, and they love it. Last year we performed a piece called Invisible Visible, which was a beautiful piece choreographed by a lovely choreographer named Chris Heller, and it was a story of how we have handled, or what we have dealt with with our disabilities, both mental and physical. We learned the choreography from her, but we also did our own movements. And it was so beautiful when a dancer would come up with their own movement and describe what they have been through as a person with a disability. It was just, just a beautiful collaborative experience that we had.
Melissa Ceria [00:18:30] So really using your voices also to communicate important themes that are related to identity.
Zazel O'Garra [00:18:38] Yes. One piece that we just recently did, myself and another dancer, Wendy Ann Powell, I talk about immigration and inclusion, and how I felt going back to Montserrat with a disability. So I talk about I come on the stage: "Immigration! Look at me foot, look at me foot! Why you for me like that for?" You know, because that's how they treated me when I was in Montserrat. Montserrat, as I mentioned before, is a beautiful island. However, having a disability, particularly as a young person, was very, you know, unusual for them to see. I would walk down the mountain with my brace on, with my little short shorts on showing my body, you know, whatever, my cane. And everyone would drive around and look at me: "Jesus Christ! Why you walk like that for? What's wrong with your foot? You're not working? You're not working?" And I would tell my mother: "Mommy, if I didn't have self-esteem, I would be riddled with depression." I mean, they're like, in your face with that. So, that piece that I do, I talk about that how I felt. And I think it's important to show how different cultures deal with persons with disabilities. And that's one of my primary goals, actually, is to go to the Caribbean and, you know, teach them dance with persons with disabilities.
Melissa Ceria [00:20:02] Is it very different here in the United States? We don't bring it up to people who are passing by. Do you live with it maybe more in silence here?
Zazel O'Garra [00:20:11] I'm very outspoken. If you could say something to me, that's stupid. I'm going to, you know, have a response. I remember I was walking in Columbus Circle, crossing the street, and a taxi driver zooms around the corner, and I'm walking slowly with my cane and he screams out of his window: "If you can't walk, get out of the bleeping street!" And I was like, "What did you say?" I mean, that was horrible. I screamed something back to him, and people, like, stopped in their tracks and said that was right for you to say that. Don't say things to people regarding their disability, even dealing with dating and dealing with men. They don't know how to embrace someone with a disability. Particularly, I had a brain tumor and I'm not going to hide it. I remember I went out on a date with a guy and he was very attracted to me. However, he saw me walk. We were seated. When I got up and went to the bathroom, he saw the way I was walking and he asked my friend, "Why does she walk like that?" And my friend said, "That's Zazel. She is a beautiful person. You're going to have to ask her yourself." And so we went out on a date. First thing he asked me was like, "Why do you walk like that?" And I said, "Okay, well, we'll talk about that later." And when I told him, when we sat down at dinner, and I told him, "Well, you know, I had a brain tumor," the blood rushed out of his face. He actually moved over in the seat. I guess he was just in disbelief. And when we left and he walked me to the subway, I bent over to kiss and on the cheek to say thank you, and he just moved his cheek.
Melissa Ceria [00:21:53] Wow. That's really hurtful.
Zazel O'Garra [00:21:56] It's very, very hurtful.
Melissa Ceria [00:21:57] How has working with dancers of all abilities shaped your understanding of choreography?
Zazel O'Garra [00:22:03] I think that there's no limits. If you have certain issues, whatever issues they are, mobility issues or what have you. I say, just let it come from your heart and your soul. Whereas I can't dance the way I used to dance, I let things emanate from my core and it shows on my face, me loving what I do. And I tell the dancers, Do that, how you feel. You don't have to do exactly what the choreography tells you to do, but use your own interpretation. And I think that's what's most important.
Melissa Ceria [00:22:39] I'm wondering, has your view of beauty changed over time?
Zazel O'Garra [00:22:43] I don't view it any different. I still think that I emanate beauty from within. I think that's the most important. I'll never forget this. When I was in rehab, I had my modeling book in the hospital room. The nurses are coming in and looking at my pictures, and they were saying, "Oh, my God, I can't believe that's her. I feel so sorry for her." And I just said, "You know, I can't listen to that. I feel beautiful, I am here, I am alive. This is who I am." And I'll take that to another level. Two years ago, I did my first fashion show as a model with a disability for New York Fashion Week. It was absolutely amazing. I'm walking on the stage with my cane, with my limp. Audience is screaming. In incredibly beautiful clothes. I felt like it was a rebirth. And then I got hired again for this year. I did New York Fashion Week for Target, and I danced with all these amazing young dancers. Here I am. I haven't stopped moving. I haven't stopped modeling. I can still showcase myself, showcase the clothes, put life into the clothes and make people aware that yes, I have limitations, but I am who I am.
Melissa Ceria [00:24:14] And how has your creative process evolved?
Zazel O'Garra [00:24:18] Every day different things come into my head. I want to do a musical for persons with disabilities. I think that would be incredible to showcase our talents, despite any limitations or what have you. I just want to have us on the stage and just really, really telling our story. I think that's going to be a beautiful experience even. I always look at the musical Chicago. I love that song: "He added it coming." And telling it, you know, different stories. I want to do that.
Melissa Ceria [00:24:51] And I want to be in that audience to watch it.
Zazel O'Garra [00:24:53] Yes. (sings) Yes, I want to do that. Yeah, I want to do a musical.
Melissa Ceria [00:25:00] Circling back to Twyla Tharp's quote, Zazel. "Creativity is an act of defiance." What else would you like to challenge about the status quo?
Zazel O'Garra [00:25:10] Oh. I'd like to say that we are all equal. We are all equal. I think that's the most important. Don't judge people from what they look like and judge them for who they are. I think that's the most important.
Melissa Ceria [00:25:29] Zazel, I wish you all the best, as you continue to broaden opportunities for dancers of all abilities and expand forms of creative expression. I really enjoyed talking with you. Thanks for joining me in conversation.
Zazel O'Garra [00:25:42] Oh, it's been a pleasure. Pleasure, pleasure. Yes, yes. Wonderful.
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Website: Zazel-Chavah O'Garra
Instagram: @zazelchavah